I want to embarrass myself.

TL;DR: everything good comes from starting before you’re ready, so here goes.

I look back on who I was three years ago and I cringe. I look back on who I was a year ago and I cringe. I look back on who I was three months ago and I cringe.

I cringe, I cringe, I cringe.

I will never not be embarrassed of my former self because who even IS she? A shy, shaky, fumbling mess, just making it up as she goes along.

Writing, in it’s nature, is embarrassing.

Putting words on paper with an air of pride that your brain could form sentences that you’re sure people will find interesting is embarrassing.

But if my embarrassing endeavours have given me anything, it’s confidence and discipline and humility. I am willing to look like an absolute twit on a regular basis in the vain hope that I might build enough skill to make it look “natural”.

Speaking in front of large groups is one example of how I embarrassingly and slowly transformed my inward-focused self into someone who can successfully demand attention of multiple pairs of eyes and ears. Christ, that journey really was an embarrassing one. A shaky voice pretending she’s doing ok on the stages of The National Running Show and Love Trails Festival.

So, I will write.

Frequently, publicly, and embarrassingly, I will write.